My roomate and I have become quite close, best friends really. We really do everything together. Its just happened. Mostly all of our close friends are the same, we go to church together, we do family stuff together, etc.
So I met this guy. If youve been reading my posts you know the one I am speaking of. Well he and his roomate and me and mine have been hanging out almost everyday for the past few weeks.
Long story short. I told him I had feelings for him and I wanted him to know that even though I did I still wanted to be a friend someone he could talk to and not feel awkward around. Well it turned out fine, and he said he was glad I was in his life but because of his recent breakup its better to remain friends.
And even though I was sad about this there is nothing I can really do. But then after that he has been sort of advoiding me and pushing me away. And becoming closer to my roomate.
So after a while I confronted him about his actions and he said his feelings for her were strickly friendship and reminded me that because of his recent breakup he was in no position to like anyone.
So later that night, my roomate comes home crying and I have no idea why. She says that hes been telling her everything, that when I talked to him that night about my feelings he called her right away and told her, and that she has really strong feelings for him and he for her.
So basically, they have been sneaking around, pretending to be honest, trustful people, when behind my back they are being romantic?
So I havent talked to her in days. Shes been advoiding me like I did something wrong! She claims she didnt want to tell me so my feelings wouldnt be hurt. But lieing makes everything worse.
I was so upset the other night, I left my apartment at 3 in the morning and taxied to my friends on the opposite side of the city. She called and told him and he texted me to see if I was alright. NOT my bestfriend, but him.
I am soo hurt and angry. Best friends are supposed to stay clear of there other friends crush. It is just the golden rule for friends! Even if you like them, you leave it alone, walk away from it, because that is what friends do.
And we are moving tommorrow and havent said a word to eachother. And he is supposed to come by and help us move. I really dont want to see him.
OH ANNNNDDD, she went to his moms house for Thanksgiving dinner behind my back to!
But Lord, I am in a pickle. This man I have feelings for, well, its difficult. Help me to see him and this situation through your eyes.
Lord, I realize that he comes with a price if the opportunity arose, but you bought us for a high price didn't you God? You brought us out of Egypt and into the promise land and spilled your blood on the cross for the sins of the world.
Help me to see through your eyes, and NOT of the eyes of this world, who want to confuse me and bring me down.
I believe in the one who saves.
If this is something you want of me, than Lord please show me. And fast! I want to be about your business and if this is not your business then kindly show me out.
Help me to control my feelings and to just be someone he can lean on.
Oh Lord. You must think I am so silly.
Super nice. Super sweet. All of the above.
But as soon as I met him, God put him sooo heavy on my heart. I wasn't sure why. But I couldn't stop thinking about him. So I started praying for him, that whatever he was going through or whatever it was God was trying to bring to my attention would be okay.
Then I told my roomate, and I started crying! And she was so confused by how I could be so emotional worried and upset by someone I barely knew!
Most friends would say snap out of it, or I'm acting dumb, but she came along side me and prayed with me for him.
So...being faithful to God, I called him up and we met for coffee.
Turns out, hes going through a divorce and has a one year old. His wife has been cheating on him for a long time and kicked him out of the house months ago. He hides it very well. And you can see a glimpse of the type of man God wants him to be.
So we talked and talked and talked and prayed and prayed and I realize he is a lot like me. And because of my past experiences and the experiences with my friends I learned from, we were able to relate to one another.
God you are so weird sometimes.
So now, I like a man thats going through a divorce and has a one year. If my mom ever knew she would disown me!
Prayers are desprately needed. Please pray for him, that he will be able to soar with God, and that God will continue to heal him and build him up.
And pray for me. That God will guide and cover my heart.
But he has my attention now. After hours or crying and not knowing why, blessings happening at the supermarket, words of wisdom from the unlikiest of people, and I was doubting going to a place I probably shouldn't go to and then loosing my house keys?
Okay God I get it!
He has been stirring up old feelings, past experiences and such. I'm thinking because they totally haven't been forgiven or been given to God to deal with for me.
A lady I spoke with at a small group meeting at my pastors house chalenged me the other night, saying:
"Do you trust God enough with the big things? Is God enough for you? Or do you need more?"
And the answer came to me quickly. God hasn't been enough. I've needed friends, relationships and other material things.
And I know God wants ALL of my affection. Not some of it.
And it seems so hard. Because this world is so hurtful and hateful. And we are constantly in a battle with the enemy and with ourselves and other people. It seems so hard to make God everything, and to make him my highest affection.
And now I think back to the day that I accepted Christ. Just 4 years ago. When I accepted him I don't know if I accepted all of him. I think I just learned to deal with the way God was and that be it.
So God has been showing me, that he is the way he is because he loves us.
And Jesus DEFEATED the enemy at the cross, so he should have no control in our lives.
And now all we have is freedom. A freedom in which we should SOAR in.
Prayers is much needed.
I need to get my head straight.
We ended up going for gelato and talking. In about an hour that we spent together he managed to talk as fast as he could to make sure he updated me on everything new in his life.
And in that hour I managed to hold back tears and try not to stare deep into his eyes while I listened.
I mostly was staring because I wanted to see if he still had love in them for me.
At first I wasn't sure. And then I thought 'no'. But near the very end of the night, I saw it, I saw that he still loved me.
I know that we can't be together.
But its nice to know he hasn't just forgotten me and moved on so quickly.
I've been thinking about him so much lately, and also whats Gods hand doing in all of this.
Please pray. I miss him still so much.
Will it ever go away?
Will I find someone else that will make me feel like he made me feel?
Would God give him back to me in the future when he thinks we might be ready?
Oh, I wish he would give me a clue.
Please pray for her.
And if not pray, send best healing wishes her way.
She definitely needs it.
I miss her. My family lives on the opposite side of Canada than I do. So its hard knowing shes there and I can't see her.
Other than that, nothing too much is new. I work in a medical office now. And my church 20's group starts back up again on September 17th which I am really excited about.
Hopefully, I'll start school again next Fall.
I am also looking for a part time job on top of the one I have to save more money and pay for the 12 thousand dollars of debt I owe.
This is the fist serious crush since the breakup with me and my ex-fiance. And I am freaking out! The last week or so we talk a lot and now he calls me just because. It is so lovly! Weve been friends for a while so I don't know... like... why does a guy call a girl? Other than potentially liking her? I have a lot of guy friends and we text eachother if we chat you know, this one calls me! And I melt everytime!
I want to just straight up and tell him that I like him but I don't know if I should wait! Or should I maybe wait to see if he will? Because I don't really know if he likes me! Its so weird!
I need some serious advice here. And prayers!
And he is so good looking and sooo wonderful! Sometimes I think someone as good looking as him could be interested in me! Or any man for that matter! And honestly, I get so freakin' giggly when I talk to him and I get cold shivers all over! Having a crush is so weird!
I seriously could talk forever about this guy! But I won't...
So I got a new job! Thank you Jesus! No more McDonald's!
I got a sweet new job as a medical administrator! I am sooo thankful! It is such an answer to months of prayer. And it just fell in my lap right when I needed it the most!
Wow there are so many things that have happened in the last weeks past since I last posted.
I just have been incredibly blessed. There are so many times when I feel like I don't deserve all of it.
It really does work when you just give it all to God, and stop trying to be the God of your own life. I am just so happy!
Still getting over the ex fiance. Still hard but it gets better everyday. And now I like this guy Josh. I've known him for a while. I think he is interested in this other girl right now though! We talk at least once a day and have been kinda sorta friends for about 9 months. They did have a thing for a while not too serious, they weren't really official so. But he hasn't her name for weeks, so I don't really know what is going on. And I like this guy a lot! I want to ask him whats up between them but I almost feel like its not my bisness. But how else would I know right? Well a bunch of friends are heading to BC for skydiving and swimming in August sometime and he invited me along... But I am so excited right....but what if he just wants the company like of a friend you know...But I cant help but get excited to spend time with him for a weekend... so... kind of going crazy...
Well I thought I did. I was engaged for goodness sakes. So you think you're pretty sure that's the one. But then they break your heart and its over.
So when does it happen? When you know the person is the one? Do you see them walking down the street? Are you friends first? Does it happen in some weird way, like your friends for years and then it hits that you're perfect for eachother?
Now that I am single I don't want a relationship for a while. Just needing time to heal. But the thought is always in the back of head and I think that what I had, it couldn't get better than that. But it can right? Get better?